A Little Onion “Humor”
Even though my posts here are not always the most upbeat, I actually have a great sense of humor. I love to laugh, which is why I check out the Onion on a regular basis. I could resist posting this story.
BATON ROUGE, LA—In a breakthrough study that contradicts decades of understanding about the nature of alligator–drunkard relations, Louisiana State University researchers have concluded that people’s drunkenness does not impair the ancient reptiles’ ability to inflict enormous physical harm.Alligators exhibit the potential to inflict serious harm, regardless of the blood-alcohol levels of their victims.
"Our data strongly indicates that human intoxication does not transform an alligator into a docile creature that enjoys wrestling," said professor Ryder McCrory, chair of the Wildlife Taunting Department of LSU’s prestigious Center For Bullying And Hazing Studies. "Despite its slow-witted demeanor and tendency to bask motionlessly in the hot sun, it’s a mistake to believe that an alligator will passively tolerate a half nelson, no matter how much Southern Comfort is fueling it."
The humor doesn’t stop there.
Instead of baiting an alligator, seek another form of drunken recreation, such as attending a strip club, burning a pile of tires, or painting one’s buttocks with a funny face and videotaping it.
Sick or infant deer are considered a far safer match for most inebriated humans; kicking a raccoon or squirrel already dying by the side of the road is also recommended.
Sometimes it is good to laugh and not think about all the problems in this world.
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